The Lost Sheep: Playing Our Belovedness on Repeat

As a mother, I know how much all children long to be seen, validated, and loved as they are. From the repetitious chants of “Mommy, watch this!” from the preschooler, to the teen who looks eagerly to find you sitting in a chair at their game or concert, our kids value constant reminders of our love for them.

But as an adoptive mom of a child with multiple transitions and lack of consistent care, I’ve found that children with insecure attachment seem to be seeking reminders of love and permanency in more intense ways. Sometimes my child shows their need for connection in unhelpful ways, like literally poking or crashing into others. At times, it shows up in a repetitious question which she already knows the answer to. But a third way that her longing for connection and love manifests in is thematic play. For the last couple of years, my child repeatedly plays the same basic scenario: she’s a little lost kitty, child, bear, etc. who has lost its mother and needs a new home. For years, over and over and over, we play this game. Sometimes it feels heartbreaking- other times I admit I get a bit weary of the same reenactment, wondering if she will ever feel safe and secure enough to move on to a new story.

But this past week, she was asking me to tell her a Bible story, and it occured to me that her embodiment of a little lost creature is very similar to the story of the lost sheep in the Bible. I lit up as I told her:

“When you pretend to be a lost kitty, you are hoping someone will come and find you and love you. And in the Bible, Jesus goes and finds the little lost sheep, because He loves it so much. You’re like the little sheep! Jesus always comes to look for you! You’re never alone, no matter where you go. You are always loved. Jesus leaves the 99 sheep safe at home and goes out to find the one that is lost and scared.”

Then it occurred to me how often we as adults play out this same scenario in our own way. Over and over. We seek relationships, then pull away or test the limits of someone’s love through negative behavior patterns. We fill our lives with productivity, achievement, or being needed by others. Perhaps we change how we dress, what we eat, who we are, experimenting with what version of ourselves seems most acceptable to others. When we screw up, we beat ourselves up, let shame push us into hiding in our own dark forest.

We are really asking, over and over,

“Am I really lovable? Am I worth coming to find?

Just as I am? In the midst of my mess?

Can I trust a person, let alone God, to keep showing up for me?

And yet Jesus does not seem to grow weary of our ongoing need to have our belovedness answered. In fact, in Luke 15, the story of the lost sheep is just the first of a series of THREE stories which reinforce the Father’s deep love and intense searching for each of us who is lost. The lost sheep is followed by a woman searching desperately for her lost coin, and then by a Father who eagerly seeks and waits for his lost son.

And not only is there a searching figure that represents God in each story (the shepherd, the woman, and the Father), but each story ends with a joyful celebration, a reminder that what was lost was not simply tolerated but was BELOVED, WANTED, and ENJOYED by the Finder.

Just as these constant reminders through play help my child to learn her own belovedness, so too, God longs for us to find secure attachment as beloved children. Every other aspect of our lives flows out of knowing this belovedness. For instance, until we know we are fully loved, we will constantly seek approval and love from others that only God can provide. Until we are certain of God’s perfect and unchanging love for us, we will live trying to prove ourselves to God rather than obey and follow Him in love.

In fact, Trevor Hudson, in his book In Search of God’s Will: Discerning a Life of Faithfulness and Purpose, says that “We will only choose to align our hearts with God when we know- in our inmost being- that we are deeply loved by God.”

Because how can we trust, follow, surrender to a God that we think is constantly angry with us, who is distant, or who we fear is actually against us?

My challenge to you today is to notice where you are prone to play out the same story my daughter does: maybe you’re not the lost kitty, but maybe you do certain things in an effort to seek love, to know whether you are worth something, to find validation. In what ways are you looking for someone to tell you, “You belong with me. You are safe here. You are beloved, right here and now.”

And then I would encourage you to read the parables in Luke 15. Imagine yourself as the lost sheep, coin and son. Which story do you resonate with? What might God want to speak to you through these stories about how He feels about you?

Is there an invitation? How might you respond to God today?

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
-Romans 8:38-39